are friends expendable? for that matter, are people expendable?

no, this is nto a rant- never meant it to b one, no way no how. just is. true for me, true for at least a small section of our poor little generation lost. i have never had a friend who has kept by my side. no regrets, no loneliness, no schmaltz. it is, because it just is like that.
i'm no loner. nor do i move in a pack. while i'm comfortable with myself, i get tired of my silences sometimes. silences which are not uncomfortable, just as goddamn familiar as my skin- i have grown into them, and while they fit snugly, i long for change sometimes.
everyone has a busy life. so do i. i work hard on weekdays and try to sleep hard on weekends. insomnia and general disturbances aside. i'm lousy with remembering phone numbers or email addresses. i do not go out orkutting and IMing people.
my fault? perhaps- but theres always another side to the equation. a side tat forgets my birthdays [that really bugs me, i need TLC on that day considering how blue it makes me feel]. a side that never responds to my few surprise messages and phone calls.
a part of me has given up on human relationships- or at least friendships. nothing lasts, and thats part of nature, growth development and all that psychobabble-bullshit.
i called G the other day, someone who was like a sister/friend/mother/child when we were abroad. she sounded extremely annoyed to have heard of my existence (!) and couldnt let go early enough...pardon the english.
life is beautiful if you'l excuse the cliche. maybe i should enjoy whatever beaty i can drink in and whatever curveballs it flings- alone.
i dont have any companionship. maybe i dont relly need it. mybe i do. but ive trained myself to live without it.
i dont have any readers either. they come in hordes, oohand ah and disgst me...see my archives...remember my rediff usage? and then they go becasue i dont pander to their expectatinos of me.

how can i? i dont even pander to my own expectations of me.
making and losing out on people is too tiring. i cant make the effort anymore.

ergo a blog which no one reads...a mute spectator? a relic of a wasted life? something else?

i can't really bring myself to care.