i had a terrible time at work today...loads and loads of notes piling in just as i was trying to wrap p my report. but work is good, it helps you focus.

the numbness of the past week is fading away. the bravado is almost all gone and i'm still wondering how ill deal with the shock once it sinks in.

sat staring at the white guards on top of the opposite cab's wheels and thought of death. how nice, how simple it would be to forget my committments, family..everything and just lie down with a stomach pumped full of medicines....to know tht this sleep would be your last, your longest.

if only i could be certain that i wouldnt regret anything in that split second before sleep overcame me, i would do it today- ell tomorrow considering that all the medicine shops are closed by now.

'i'll die without you'

is all too easy to say. i wonder when it comes down to the final analysis, will i be able to do it?