(punctuation marks do not seem to show up very well on blogger. apologies for any reading difficulties)

have you ever heard the song, smoke gets in your eyes?

no, not smoke on the water.

when a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes

(the movie- rebecca)

have been wondering about flames. fire, ravage, wind, smoke, and desire. burning hot.
ravished by a hunger too deep, too basic, to be denied. prickling up, curling down.
it is not a hunger for someone- anyone's body.
this yearning goes far beyond that.
somehow, i want to burn in this heat. and yet, the moment i reach out my hand to touch the incandescent flame, it gutters out.
and all must die...
how true, you were, herbert! and yet, my soul shall not live on like seasoned timber.
fear.
extinguishing my passion for life.
slowly strangling the life force within.
fear of the unknown- who said a doctor could play god?
hippocrates?
a cryptic heaven?
an insolent mortal?

and so, if he be another mere mortal, then why am i so afraid?
i have no answers.
this is real.
the oil slicking my sweaty skin. the horn rimmed glasses. the itchy arms, and callused feet. the moles and the unshaped cuticles.
this body.
reality.
my mind.
an abstraction.
thoughts flying out of it into a virtual pensieve that stores nothing. as redundant as the dead skin i soap away.
as loose as the shorn locks.
as pallid as tired skin.
indian summer on me. heat on heat.
and yet, one day this body shall be cold.
and my voice shall sing no more.
my words shall be seen no more
the solipsist..dead.
and the world, extinguished.